So, for some time now I’ve been aware of my hearing getting worse. Turning up the volume on the TV, finding hard to make out lyrics of songs, that kind of thing. I just assumed that it was my age and eventually faced up to the fact that I might have to resort to hearing aids. I took myself off to the doctor and asked her to organise an audiology test. She was happy to arrange this but first said she wanted to examine my ears as the audiologists get annoyed when patients whose ears are blocked by earwax get referred for a test.

Sure enough, she said both ears were well and truly blocked. ‘Go and put olive oil in both ears for two weeks’, she said, ‘then get the nurse to syringe them’. A fortnight later I was with the nurse who tried to get the wax out and failed. So I spent another week lying first on one side, dropping in 8 drops of oil, waiting 10 minutes then doing the same thing on the other side. Boy, is it boring, plus immediately afterwards you are so deaf you couldn’t hear a train coming.

This time the nurse was able to pull out two massive plugs of wax from my ears. ‘Surprised you could hear anything.’ she said. ‘You could make a candle out of that lot’. She insisted on showing me the wax. I was reminded of that moment in Shrek I when he pulls wax out of his ear and lights it!

Walking back to the car I was suddenly startled by a Blackbird shrilly calling out from a tree. And when I snapped the seat belt buckle into the catch it sounded like a gun going off. Wow, so this is what the world sounds like.

That evening we went to a Show of Hands concert and I could hear every wonderful note and nuance. And since then I have been listening to my sound system which I always knew was good. But now it sounds absolutely brilliant. So, I’ve a made a New Ears Day resolution. I’m going to upgrade my speaker cable (to Kimber 8PR for any hi-f buffs) and really give my ears a treat. Oh, and I promise to treat my ears with olive oil every couple of weeks just to keep them in tip top condition.

‘Ere. ‘Ere.